Why Your Team Sucks 2. New Orleans Saints. Some people are fans of the New Orleans Saints. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the New Orleans Saints. This 2. 01. 7 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here. Your team: GUMBO GUMBO GUMBO GUMBO GUMBO GUMBO LOOKS LIKE A GOOD DAY FOR SQUIRREL HUNTIN’ GUMBO GUMBO GUMBO Your 2.

That’s three straight years of 7- 9, and four out of the past five years. Jeff Fisher is in AWE of this consistency. If you haven’t realized it by now, both the Saints and the city of New Orleans are clearly content with a team that can pass for 5. That 2. 00. 9 title? That was it. They’re never winning another title again. They’re taking their fluke ring and going to the bar. In brighter news, every two- point play this team participates in is awfully fun.

Nine years ago, Seattle’s sports scene was in about as dire circumstances as a city can get. The owner of the SuperSonics, Starbucks mogul Howard Schultz, had. USS Jimmy Carter returns to port on Monday flying a Jolly Roger flag. US Navy photo Flying a Jolly Roger flag, black with a skull and crossbones (though it appears. Want to film in New Orleans? Start here. Film New Orleans acts as a liaison for all film and video projects working in the city. The City of New Orleans generates a.

But there are also other truths about our city that we must confront. New Orleans was America’s largest slave market: a port where hundreds of thousands of souls. My Ántonia 1 BOOK I The Shimerdas I. I FIRST heard of Ántonia 1 on what seemed to me an interminable journey across the great midland. Nude celebrity MP4 movie clips of Eva Mendes. These sexy and talented stars were at the top of their game. Though sexy as ever, something happened that dried up their once-flourishing careers.

Ask Jack Del Rio, or the Denver Broncos! Your coach: Sean Payton. I will never get tired of Junior Galette accusing Payton of moving the team’s training camp all the way to West Virginia just so he could bone his girlfriend. It’s the perfect Sean Payton rumor. I don’t even think he even bothers to call plays anymore. I think he spends all his time on the sideline drawing up guest lists and figuring out ways to blame shit on his d- coordinator. Your quarterback: Drew Brees, who could be 6.

Russell Wilson gets a lot of shit for being a corny brandbot, but Old Man Brees mastered that game before Russ was googling love poems in middle school. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, you’re gonna HATE Drew Brees when he becomes an announcer. He will be the blandest, boringest studio guy in history. I can already picture him sitting at the CBS desk being like, “The question for this Saints team is… WHO IS GONNA STEP UP?” Garf. You may not realize it, but Brees has settled nicely into the second phase of his career as Really Good Archie Manning. He plays on shitty team after shitty team, and somehow his rep doesn’t suffer for it.

Everything is everyone else’s fault. Meanwhile he’s good for at least two casual picks a game. I’m onto you, Brees. You’re Archie- ing up the joint. I bet Tennessee is already recruiting your headset baby. What’s new that sucks: Ohhhhhhhhh. Ohhhhhhhhhh, people.

Let me walk you crawdad humpers through the Adrian Peterson experience. After all, this is the shitbag who helped gift you the 2. NFC title, so it’s only fair to warn you for what’s in store. First, you’re gonna see him in a Saints uniform, and you’re gonna watch him bust through to the third level and trample some fuckers, and you will absolutely lose your shit. It’s a great feeling.

That’s the moment you consecrate your agreement with Satan. And then the bill comes due. After all those cool runs, you will see Peterson get hurt, and drop passes, and whiff on critical pass blocks, and silently fume about not getting enough carries and/or not being used in the I- formation (he literally cannot function in any other offense), and whip his kids in the nutsack.

Now, I know that Louisiana is the perfect landing spot for someone who believes in the all- encompassing power of corporal punishment. But even by those standards, Peterson takes GRAND liberties. He’s probably beaten my kids at some point when I wasn’t looking.

They likely deserved it. I haven’t gotten to the fumbles yet. I will never cease to be baffled by this man’s penchant for fumbling. He hands could crush stone. And yet, he fumbles in every.

Single. Critical. Moment. I swear to you, I have spent YEARS yelling DON’T FUCKING FUMBLE at the TV screen only to watch Adrian Peterson do precisely that. And he’ll fuck you over, too.

You’re not the Patriots. You’re not magic. You don’t get all the good of the player with none of the bad. You’re getting the full Peterson display. He is man who has zero interest in self- improvement, and he’s gonna be stuck in a goddamn committee backfield to boot.

This will end badly, I promise. Elsewhere on the field, the Saints are still near the top of the league in dead cap money, which means they had to perform the kind of accounting voodoo normally confined to the Louisiana state capital. They practically have to pay players in beads at this point. Here’s Ted Ginn, ready to drop 7. Here’s Manti Te’o, who will finally be able to communicate with the spirit of Lennay Kekua with a visit to a local witch doctor. Here’s rookie Marshon Lattimore, yet another token effort to improve what manages to be the worst pass defense in football history every successive year. Nick Fairley is already gone for the year.

This defense will never ever be good. You’d have an easier time building a functional school in this state. Darren Sharper went to jail. You guys demanded Malcolm Butler from the Pats in exchange for Brandin Cooks and when they balked, you gave them Cooks anyway. What the fuck is wrong with you?

Did I mention the Saints play their first home game against the Pats? They’re gonna torch you. What has always sucked: No fanbase gets more riled up when you take a shit on their homeland, so let’s do that right now. I know you guys are very proud of your bad music and your gravy soup and your shrimp subs, but go to hell. Louisiana is a hole. The only thing keeping that state running is prison slave labor. And New Orleans is just Disney World for drunken idiots.

Bourbon Street is Times Square with more shit and vomit, and you don’t get to disown it. This year’s Jazz Fest was headlined by Dave Matthews bringing out Jimmy Buffett. David Duke made his name in New Orleans. Every two- bit David Simon that makes his way through New Orleans wants to lecture you about the city’s culture and heritage. Meanwhile, your average Saints fan is a trash- ass 3. Confederate monument, and never, at any time, speaking below a shout. A bag on the head improves the look of pretty much every Saints fan.

SO GO SUCK ON SOME DIRTY RICE, YOU SHITBAGS. Did you know? Okay, this billboard is amusing… Or at least it was until I read the copy from the company that wants to put it up. In New Orleans we take history seriously.” Hey, you know who else takes history seriously? OTHER PEOPLE YOU PROVINCIAL ASSHOLES.

Saints fans are gonna milk 2. Super Bowl victory, and it’s gonna be weird. I still say your rivalry with Atlanta is fake anyway. What might not suck: With a mildly improved O- line, I’m excited to watch the Saints lose every game 5. They’ve perfected it. HEAR IT FROM SAINTS FANS!

Lealand: Sean Payton has more 7- 9 seasons than Jeff Fisher. Watch Seven Years Bad Luck Online Fandango. Ralph: The Saints were so happy the Patriots kept the Falcons from winning the Super Bowl, they sent their best receiver to Belichick for an offensive tackle with the hip of 7. Jude: I’d rather cheer for yellow fever at this point. John: I love watching my team score with less than two minutes remaining in the game and still blow it. Fuck this team. Brett: The Saints suck because it’s a dozen years after Katrina and this goddamn city is still flooding when it merely rains for a couple of hours. Oh but wait, it gets better — do you know what I was woken up by at 3am this morning?